Sheltered

So I realized I'm really out of touch with mainstream music, and really just pop culture in general. I don't know the latest bands, I have no idea what celebrities are popular other than the things I see on the tabloids while standing in line at the grocery store, and I haven't really watched any of the new TV Shows. But I really don't have any desire to. I really have no reason other than the fact that sometimes when I'm talking to people they reference these things and I'm clueless.

I was thinking about it again today and I really have never been in touch with what's considered cool and what's not. Well, I have to take part of that back, I know that what I like is generally not considered cool so I have the second half figured out. I mean, even as far back as elementary school I was way out of touch. I listened to bands that none of my classmates had heard of. I loved REM, Rush, Phil Collins, and Collective Soul. I really didn't watch much TV and I remember how weird I always felt when all the other kids talked about Step By Step, The Real World, and Blossom. I watched Discovery Channel. And the weather. How do you fit in with that when you're a third grader and all you watch is educational shows (by choice, my parents really didn't care what I watched) I tried to fit in, I would smile, and say that I watched the shows, I would pretend I listened to the music (I can't even remember what music they talked about because I never listened to it and have no idea what was popular aside from grunge and none of the other kids liked that apparently).

The only time I ever really got involved with pop culture was in middle school, I watched MTV, listened to the radio, followed celebrities, watched popular movies. And then I realized that I didn't really care. So I went back to being out of touch and not really caring what anyone else was doing. In high school a lot of the times I guess I was ahead of the game and knew about a lot of bands before they got popular but I always listened to weird shit and most of the time it didn't get popular.

It's really a lot better this way. Sometimes I get weird looks when people get into my car and I'm still listening to grunge (most rock aside from indie rock sucked after that). I do listen to a few new bands, but mostly just stuff people think is weirder than grunge.

The whole point of this blog is that I realized during my childhood I was almost sheltered from pop culture. I don't think that was my parents intention really, because it's not like they were sheltering me because they thought it would be a bad influence, I think they just thought the shit they were into was cool and I thought I would like it too. And I'm not sure if it was more they didn't expose it to me or more I didn't really care for it. Most of the time I just emulated my uncle (who is still the coolest person I know) and he was always kind of out there. My mom usually just tells me I was born a decade too late.

Brita water pitchers amaze me.

It's true. The little things in life like Brita water pitchers really excite me. We bought one about a month ago. Here's the story behind our Brita pitcher... (I don't know why I am writing this, I sometimes think if I write about boring things in my life that it will make me sleepy (I have constant insomnia)).
When the floods hit we, like most other people in Iowa City, stocked up on water. We bought about 10 gallons of bottled water. The water receded and all was well in Iowa City so we decided to start drinking from our stockpile. I can't really recall how long it took to drink all of the water, but we got through it. Then, after being spoiled so long with bottled water, we tried to go back to drinking tap water. Iowa City's water leaves much to be desired and the taste grossed us out and we started buying bottled water refills from Hy Vee (It's only 25 cents if you're refilling). Then we went on a trip to Chicago and our friends had a Brita pitcher and now I'm obsessed with them. The only thing that bothers me about it, after I put water into it all this black stuff is filtered out and it really freaks me out that I drank it for so long.
Perhaps I should write about something more interesting now. Work is going well. There seems to be a correlation, less days worked, work is perceived as being better. I really haven't been working much at all lately. Well, it doesn't seem that way, I only work four days a week, but they're ten hour days.. it all adds up in the end. But I've been taking vacation days too, so I only work three days a week. It's pretty sweet. And I'm super excited for Halloween because I am off Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. My family is obsessed with Halloween. My parents make our back patio into a haunted house and have a giant party every year. Since I moved away I haven't really been around to enjoy this as I always have always had to go to work or school the next day.
I really miss college. It was probably the best time in my life. Sad that I couldn't wait to get it over with (I got my bachelor's in three years). As much as I hated it my first year, I really miss Macomb, I miss being closer to my family, I even miss working at Bickel's. I miss the school part a lot too. Random, but I just thought about driving back on Halloween night in my Ford Contour by myself to my empty apartment. That first year I really regretted living by myself in an apartment. I went to school knowing one person, that I really didn't hang out with much. It was definitely a good experience as it taught me to rely on myself and learn how to make the best of any situation and occupy myself. I ran a lot that first year, sometimes twice a day because I would be so bored being home alone at night. That first year was crazy. I had my first relationship, got dumped, started running 5 miles a day, rediscovered bicycling, met one of the absolute coolest people I have ever met in my life, went to a few cool parties, and played in a band with my little brother. I miss the time my brother and I spent together. We used to be inseperable, we had all the same friends, did the same stuff, hung out all the time. Now he lives far away, rides a motorcycle, and has boot friends. I live far away, work full time, and hang out with girls. But I still relate to him better than anyone else in my life. Well, it's kind of a tie between him and my mom. Then it's Matt, Alyssa, Rachel, and Tadd. I love everyone.
So recently I got a phone call from someone I hadn't talked to in probably two years. It was weird, because we talked just like we never got in a fight years ago and stopped speaking. It's just weird, we talked for about 1/2 hour the other day. I don't know that we'll ever hang out again, but it's just odd how quickly someone can come back into your life and it's like they never left.
I'm still not tired but I think I should stop my late night ramblings.

Blog Revival!!

So I forgot all about this blog, until I was reading Sara's blog about South Korea and I wanted to leave a comment, so I did. I guess the secret is out. I write in this thing. If she looks at that comment she will be the first person I know to read it. How um exciting?

Anyways, half the reason I write in this is so I can relieve stress, the other half is so I can look back at my thoughts. I read through my last post and noticed the part about being scared about my brother's safety. I posted that, and a about a week later he got in a motorcycle accident. Luckily he's alive, he snapped his femur in half and has a titanium rod through it and uses a walker, but he's alive, he's very very lucky. It's just weird to see him like this. I think about it everyday, and how lucky we are to still have him here. Hopefully he takes something away from this experience.

In other news I think I may tackle setting my parent's computer up with Ubuntu. I'm on their computer right now and it sucks. My dad is super paranoid about viruses and spyware and I talked to him about Linux. Tomorrow I think that I'm going to set their computer up so they can dual boot. Hopefully it goes well. I've set up dual booting a couple times (once with Harley's help and once in my 8th grade glory) and I am actually kind of nervous about it. I don't know why, the install disk is super easy and does all the work for you. I just don't know, I feel rusty with my nerd skills since I don't use them much and my parent's don't have a backup XP disc. So I guess they could have just Linux :). I don't think they would care, all they use it for is surfing the web.

Speaking of old posts, I was looking back at how I excited I was about having three days off in a row. Excitingly enough I got a new work schedule. I work four ten hour days and have Thursday, Friday, Saturday off now. It sucks that I work Sunday but really I dthink it's worth it.Thursday is sweet because I can do all my errands and Friday and Saturday are nice because Matt gets those days off every other week.

Today I realized I am nowhere close to being ready for parenthood. It's not something that I've really been thinking about or planning on but I just realized how, in case anything should go wrong, I would be completely screwed. My friend Jory has the worldest coolest baby and I was playing with him today. But I didn't know how to feed him or do anything besides make him giggle. If I had a baby I would be completely lost. It freaks me out so much I don't know that I will ever pursue having children.

Good news! I started a diet about 4 weeks ago and have lost 13 pounds. It doesn't sound like a lot but my clothes are fitting better (except for my old pants that fall to the floor). I've been watching my carbs and doing cardio everyday. I usually walk for 1/2 hour at work on my lunch and then get home and either go running for 1.5-2 miles, ride my bike for forty minutes, or do my airdyne for 1/2 hour. I'm really excited, I've always had body issues and it feels good to take some control over that. I've really made a lot of progress with it anyways, I'm much more accepting of myself.

So I went to Manhattan, Il last weekend with my boyfriend because most of his extended family lives there. It's a town of about 8,000 and it's about an hour away from Chicago. And it really surprised me that they got their first 24 hour gas station in the last six months. I guess maybe I've been spoiled living in college towns but it kind of blew my mind that nothing was open 24 hours, not even a gas station. I mean where I live we have 24 hour grocery stores, Wal-Marts, and restraunts. And if it isn't open 24 hours it's open pretty late. His cousin was amazed that we can order pizza until 2 or 3 in the morning. And that we can get beer delivered to our house, but that surprises most people.

Anyways my blog has served it's purpose and I'm tired now so I think I'm going to bed.

Little Things

Sometimes I wonder if someone I know will stumble upon this blog and all my random thoughts. I don't really care much about their reaction, it would just be weird.

So lately I've been really depressed. We've been having disasterous floods, literally, and it's really depressing to see so much just completely ruined. It's a cruel reminder that no matter what we do mother nature will always have the upper hand. It's just terrible to see my city and Cedar Rapids (1/2 hour north of us) under water like this. Luckily we live a good four miles from the flooding. The only impact it's had on my directly is that there is only one way to get to work as the two main roads through Iowa City/Coralville are closed, oh and the constant fear that we will be without water and electricity for an extended period of time in the middle of an Iowa summer. The good news is that the Iowa River crested and things will slowly return to normal, or as normal as they can be after being able to drive a boat down the main street in Coralville.

The whole point of the preface is that I am depressed and need to remind myself of the little things that really make life great. So I will make an indefinite list.
1. Running + Kate Nash/Pearl Jam. Really, nothing in life can beat this. Especially around the pond behind our apartment complex. It's an amazing feeling to be outside in nature and just running. It's wonderful, it's just me.
2. Running Water. This is one of those amazing things you don't realize is amazing until you don't have it or are very close to losing it. It's amazing that I can take a shower!
3. Slow Days at work. Nothing beats the bonding time with other people in my section as we have extended periods of time between calls. It really makes my job not so bad at all. I have a lot of fun with the people that I work with when I'm not getting yelled at on the phone!
4. Funky necklaces. I love weird necklaces so much that I am now that girl at work. The one with the weird clothes and accessories. I just love funky stuff.
5. I know this isn't a little thing, but being a mutually caring relationship. After a year and a half there aren't many surprises left but I do find myself caring about Matt more and more each day.
6. Waking up early and laying in bed. I love waking up around 6 AM and laying there for awhile and just soaking in the sunlight (we have a giant window in our room). I also love getting up at this time and running or rollerblading (yes, I still rollerblade.)
7. Dogs. My parents have a fox terrier and he just makes me realize how amazing dogs are. Dogs are so cool, they're so intuitive. So amazing, so clever. I really love smart dogs that are responsive to people. Even though my dog is a jerk and won't fetch and runs away with the toys.
8. My Brother. This is another thing that I wouldn't really classify as little, but my brother is awesome. He's crazy sometimes, and sometimes I really do worry about his safety. But I don't really know anyone else that I get along with as well. He's just a really chill person. It must have been because I picked on him so much as a child.

That concludes my list for tonight. I feel much better now.

Asthma

So recently I was diagnosed with asthma. Strangely, it wasn't the first time. I was diagnosed as a child when I was in fourth grade. I used an inhaler for about a year, and then I don't know if my symptoms really got better, I got used to the symptoms, I was less active, or I got sick of using the inhaler. Regardless it didn't come up again until the age of 22. The doctor diagnosed me with asthma (again) and prescribed me an inhaler (again). Thinking back to the last few years, the symptoms I'm having aren't new. Even when I was running five miles a day I still wheezed and coughed while running. Sometimes I had trouble getting a deep breathe. I really didn't think anything of it. I actually wasn't thinking anything of it recently, it just came up when the doctor was listening to me breathe that I can't breathe deeply without coughing. Anyways, back to the point, so now that I am aware that I have asthma I actually worry about these symptoms. Lately I have been having, what I think, are allergies flare up. My nose gets really congested so tonight I had to breathe through my mouth. Well, I'm having trouble with really deep breathes. So now I'm freaking out. I'm trying to calm myself down. I mean, apparently I've had this nearly my whole life and it hasn't killed me yet, why worry now? But now I'm puffing away on an inhaler scared for my life. Funny how something that should help may actually make things worse (stress can make asthma worse). So that's my insight for the day.

In other news I am extremely excited for the weekend. I have three days off!! Wow. That never happens to me, I actually checked the schedule three times, just to make sure I still had my vacation in and that I was off Monday instead of Wednesday. I'm so excited. My boyfriend and I are going to stay with my parents this weekend. That's always exciting, they always treat us when we're down there. It will be nice. We're coming home Sunday and I'll still be off Monday so I can get groceries and do all those beginning of the week chores.

I went shopping today, actually it was more like a shopping spree. I bought three shirts, a purse, and a necklace. In my defense I only spent like eighty bucks and got all that stuff, but eighty dollars is still eighty dollars. I need to stop buying shirts and maybe invest in some more pants. I have recently acquired and abundance of shirts, so many, that I often forget I have them all and wear the same ones over and over. I just hate shopping for pants, they make me feel so fat and they never fit right. I have a large waist, no but, and skinny legs. Yep, I'm built.

In conclusion, I'm tired, me neighbors are playing loud music, and I want to get up early, so good night!!

Insomnia's making a comeback; commitment

So the insomnia has made it's grand comeback. This is two nights in a row. Don't really like going to work all sleepy but I'll make do.

So the other day I was making a left turn, before I had actually started the left turn and while I could still stop I saw a car coming at me, but I slammed on the gas and went anyways. After that I spent the next few moments wondering why the hell I turned in front of a speeding car? The more I thought about it, the more I realized how, in my younger years, I was extremely hesitant and unsure of every action. So I thought about the things that changed between that time and making the left turn. And I think I figured it out. Skateboarding.

I skateboarded for about five years. At first I was extremely timid and unsure of any trick I tried. I had what was called a "pussy foot" meaning that I would do the motions for a trick but wouldn't land them, one of my feet was always off the board. So over and over my little brother told me I had to commit. Eventually I did commit, well, to everything but kickflips. Later in life I took up mountain biking and had to adopt the same attitude. If you're going to do something, don't do it half way. You have to put yourself out there, give it a real effort, and don't turn back. As I learned, especially with mountain biking, you can hurt yourself a lot worse if you chicken out half way through.

Taking up these sports really changed my perspective on life. No matter what I do, no matter how stupid it is, I now commit 100%. It transfers to everything, work, love, family, recreation, and apparently, driving. Sometimes it's not the smartest way to live, but really, it works for me. Now if I want to say something, I stand up and commit 100%.

Food Poisoning

So Saturday morning at 3am I woke up and started vomiting. Between the hours of 3 and 6 I managed to lose 5 lbs by throwing up. I'm getting over it, feeling a lot better. But now I have a problem at night when I go to bed and have to work the next day I get this extreme fear that I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and it's going to happen again. I think it's irrational, really. If I'm getting better I'm probably not going to suddenly get sick again. But I can't help it, I get so stressed about it that the indigestion comes back and I start to feel sick and worry about it, so I can't sleep. Here it is, 12:09 AM and I'm wide awake, full of anxiety worried that I am going to wake up and begin puking my guts out. What the hell do I do with this? I just have to focus on the positive. Tomorrow I start my management class at work, that's exciting. Tomorrow is Tuesday and I have Wednesday off. I go in late on Thursday. This weekend I don't have anything to do. Really, I'll be fine.

It felt really good to get that off my chest.

In other news. I thought I found a new job, but I really don't think it's right for me. And I'm taking the stand unless it's some knock out job that I am positive I will love, I'm not going to bother anymore. And I think I may go back to school and get a masters in occupational therapy. Really.

Although that just may be another failed lead. I'll never decide what to go to grad school for so I will continuously work jobs where I am out of place hoping that some day I will miraculously find an awesome job.

Blogging really relaxes me, I haven't given this link out to anyone so it's nice to just vent. And if someone I don't know happens to read it, I'm ok with that. I'm really not writing to anyone in particular. Just writing to relieve stress.

I didn't work out today because I was still feeling under the weather, and now my body is very very angry and repaying me with restlessness. I'm actually starting to get tired.. Good night!