Asthma

So recently I was diagnosed with asthma. Strangely, it wasn't the first time. I was diagnosed as a child when I was in fourth grade. I used an inhaler for about a year, and then I don't know if my symptoms really got better, I got used to the symptoms, I was less active, or I got sick of using the inhaler. Regardless it didn't come up again until the age of 22. The doctor diagnosed me with asthma (again) and prescribed me an inhaler (again). Thinking back to the last few years, the symptoms I'm having aren't new. Even when I was running five miles a day I still wheezed and coughed while running. Sometimes I had trouble getting a deep breathe. I really didn't think anything of it. I actually wasn't thinking anything of it recently, it just came up when the doctor was listening to me breathe that I can't breathe deeply without coughing. Anyways, back to the point, so now that I am aware that I have asthma I actually worry about these symptoms. Lately I have been having, what I think, are allergies flare up. My nose gets really congested so tonight I had to breathe through my mouth. Well, I'm having trouble with really deep breathes. So now I'm freaking out. I'm trying to calm myself down. I mean, apparently I've had this nearly my whole life and it hasn't killed me yet, why worry now? But now I'm puffing away on an inhaler scared for my life. Funny how something that should help may actually make things worse (stress can make asthma worse). So that's my insight for the day.

In other news I am extremely excited for the weekend. I have three days off!! Wow. That never happens to me, I actually checked the schedule three times, just to make sure I still had my vacation in and that I was off Monday instead of Wednesday. I'm so excited. My boyfriend and I are going to stay with my parents this weekend. That's always exciting, they always treat us when we're down there. It will be nice. We're coming home Sunday and I'll still be off Monday so I can get groceries and do all those beginning of the week chores.

I went shopping today, actually it was more like a shopping spree. I bought three shirts, a purse, and a necklace. In my defense I only spent like eighty bucks and got all that stuff, but eighty dollars is still eighty dollars. I need to stop buying shirts and maybe invest in some more pants. I have recently acquired and abundance of shirts, so many, that I often forget I have them all and wear the same ones over and over. I just hate shopping for pants, they make me feel so fat and they never fit right. I have a large waist, no but, and skinny legs. Yep, I'm built.

In conclusion, I'm tired, me neighbors are playing loud music, and I want to get up early, so good night!!

Insomnia's making a comeback; commitment

So the insomnia has made it's grand comeback. This is two nights in a row. Don't really like going to work all sleepy but I'll make do.

So the other day I was making a left turn, before I had actually started the left turn and while I could still stop I saw a car coming at me, but I slammed on the gas and went anyways. After that I spent the next few moments wondering why the hell I turned in front of a speeding car? The more I thought about it, the more I realized how, in my younger years, I was extremely hesitant and unsure of every action. So I thought about the things that changed between that time and making the left turn. And I think I figured it out. Skateboarding.

I skateboarded for about five years. At first I was extremely timid and unsure of any trick I tried. I had what was called a "pussy foot" meaning that I would do the motions for a trick but wouldn't land them, one of my feet was always off the board. So over and over my little brother told me I had to commit. Eventually I did commit, well, to everything but kickflips. Later in life I took up mountain biking and had to adopt the same attitude. If you're going to do something, don't do it half way. You have to put yourself out there, give it a real effort, and don't turn back. As I learned, especially with mountain biking, you can hurt yourself a lot worse if you chicken out half way through.

Taking up these sports really changed my perspective on life. No matter what I do, no matter how stupid it is, I now commit 100%. It transfers to everything, work, love, family, recreation, and apparently, driving. Sometimes it's not the smartest way to live, but really, it works for me. Now if I want to say something, I stand up and commit 100%.

Food Poisoning

So Saturday morning at 3am I woke up and started vomiting. Between the hours of 3 and 6 I managed to lose 5 lbs by throwing up. I'm getting over it, feeling a lot better. But now I have a problem at night when I go to bed and have to work the next day I get this extreme fear that I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night and it's going to happen again. I think it's irrational, really. If I'm getting better I'm probably not going to suddenly get sick again. But I can't help it, I get so stressed about it that the indigestion comes back and I start to feel sick and worry about it, so I can't sleep. Here it is, 12:09 AM and I'm wide awake, full of anxiety worried that I am going to wake up and begin puking my guts out. What the hell do I do with this? I just have to focus on the positive. Tomorrow I start my management class at work, that's exciting. Tomorrow is Tuesday and I have Wednesday off. I go in late on Thursday. This weekend I don't have anything to do. Really, I'll be fine.

It felt really good to get that off my chest.

In other news. I thought I found a new job, but I really don't think it's right for me. And I'm taking the stand unless it's some knock out job that I am positive I will love, I'm not going to bother anymore. And I think I may go back to school and get a masters in occupational therapy. Really.

Although that just may be another failed lead. I'll never decide what to go to grad school for so I will continuously work jobs where I am out of place hoping that some day I will miraculously find an awesome job.

Blogging really relaxes me, I haven't given this link out to anyone so it's nice to just vent. And if someone I don't know happens to read it, I'm ok with that. I'm really not writing to anyone in particular. Just writing to relieve stress.

I didn't work out today because I was still feeling under the weather, and now my body is very very angry and repaying me with restlessness. I'm actually starting to get tired.. Good night!