So I think I lost a friend. I still don't want to admit it, because I don't want him to be gone, but I know it's over.
Yeah, it sucks, but I guess I understand. Or as much as I can understand. I mean, I'm partly to blame, but I really think he's just as much to blame as me.
Sometimes things just don't work out.
I've been trying for so long to keep things going, and really, it's one sided and I just want to say good bye. It's almost like a break up at the end relationship that's been drug out so long you just can't deal with it anymore.
I'm bummed, because it was one of those people that I thought would be in my life forever you know? I mean, he had such a huge impact on my life, whether he wanted to or not, and I think that I made an impact on his, just maybe not in a good way in the end. Some things just aren't meant to be, and certain things happen where it may be impossible to keep a friendship going afterwards. It just sucks, when you feel that strong bond with someone, you know, a really good friend, and it ends like this.
I just don't know what to say to him to let him know I'm done trying.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Changes, changes, changes
Oh man, this blog just keeps getting pushed to the back of my mind.
Many things have changed, mostly for the good, there were some rough times, and some things still suck. So let's see,
First off I got a new job, I'm still with the same company but I got this sweet job where all I do is answer questions about weird situations and obscure insurance laws for people who do my old job. It's pretty sweet, I get to work 1-9:30. Which I love because I am a nocturnal being and it is nice not having to be there until after noon. I love my team (all two of them), but I do miss quite a few people terribly. And it's kind of weird talking to people who trained me just a year and a half ago.. I'm not sure how to deal with that just yet.
So I spent too much money on groceries one week and I've been really tight with money because we're heading for some great meltdown and I never want to spend any of it.. so I put it away and just tell myself I'm flat broke, all the time. So I ran out of medicine and decided to just stop taking it, and ran low on another kind so I split the pills in half. Bad, bad idea. Oh man did I ever freak out. One day Matt finally just asked me "What happened to you?". Strange to think my whole personality could change in a matter of two weeks. He was a bit shocked, which is completely understandable as he had no clue what I was up to. So I guess I'm not ready to kick the pills to the curb just yet, although I would really really like to.
In good news I officially joined weightwatchers and am getting really psyched up, it's easy to follow and I can eat lots of delicious food! And I've been doing insane workouts which usually consist of jogging for 20 minutes, riding an aerodyne/stationary bike for 30 and lifting weights or boxing. Pretty sweet, makes me feel good. Tomorrow I'm just going to do biking and try some pilates moves. With the new schedule I can get up at 10:30 and still have time to work out!
In bad news my mom had surgery and I think it bothers me more than her. She was having problems with her throat, she has achalasia which is a rare disorder that causes lifelong problems. She had this crazy surgery and everything was going fine, she was recovering, she could finally eat and drink again (she could barely eat or drink for two weeks before surgery and lost 12 lbs). Then today she ate a peice of bacon which has been stuck in her throat all night. She told me and I started crying, I don't know why, and she didn't know what to say. She tried to assure me that it would be ok and it would be ok by tomorrow. I felt so bad, I didn't know what to tell her. I told her I wished I could take her throat and give her mine, I really mean it to. It's making me so scared and sad. I don't want her to feel like this. I don't know how she's dealing with it all.
That's really the only significant changes..
I had a good holiday, Matt and I stayed with my parents and went to both of my extended family Christmases and went to his family Christmas in Manhattan, IL. It was a lot of drivinb but it was good to meet his family.
I miss my brother a lot. I got to hang out with him this weekend. he turns 19 this month. Not sure what I am going to get him for that.. he wants to come to Iowa City and go to the bars, not to drink, but just because he's old enough to get in. He said he just wants cash, but that's boring.. but I guess his truck is crapping out, so maybe I will make an exception this year.
Well, that about concludes anything I had to say.
Many things have changed, mostly for the good, there were some rough times, and some things still suck. So let's see,
First off I got a new job, I'm still with the same company but I got this sweet job where all I do is answer questions about weird situations and obscure insurance laws for people who do my old job. It's pretty sweet, I get to work 1-9:30. Which I love because I am a nocturnal being and it is nice not having to be there until after noon. I love my team (all two of them), but I do miss quite a few people terribly. And it's kind of weird talking to people who trained me just a year and a half ago.. I'm not sure how to deal with that just yet.
So I spent too much money on groceries one week and I've been really tight with money because we're heading for some great meltdown and I never want to spend any of it.. so I put it away and just tell myself I'm flat broke, all the time. So I ran out of medicine and decided to just stop taking it, and ran low on another kind so I split the pills in half. Bad, bad idea. Oh man did I ever freak out. One day Matt finally just asked me "What happened to you?". Strange to think my whole personality could change in a matter of two weeks. He was a bit shocked, which is completely understandable as he had no clue what I was up to. So I guess I'm not ready to kick the pills to the curb just yet, although I would really really like to.
In good news I officially joined weightwatchers and am getting really psyched up, it's easy to follow and I can eat lots of delicious food! And I've been doing insane workouts which usually consist of jogging for 20 minutes, riding an aerodyne/stationary bike for 30 and lifting weights or boxing. Pretty sweet, makes me feel good. Tomorrow I'm just going to do biking and try some pilates moves. With the new schedule I can get up at 10:30 and still have time to work out!
In bad news my mom had surgery and I think it bothers me more than her. She was having problems with her throat, she has achalasia which is a rare disorder that causes lifelong problems. She had this crazy surgery and everything was going fine, she was recovering, she could finally eat and drink again (she could barely eat or drink for two weeks before surgery and lost 12 lbs). Then today she ate a peice of bacon which has been stuck in her throat all night. She told me and I started crying, I don't know why, and she didn't know what to say. She tried to assure me that it would be ok and it would be ok by tomorrow. I felt so bad, I didn't know what to tell her. I told her I wished I could take her throat and give her mine, I really mean it to. It's making me so scared and sad. I don't want her to feel like this. I don't know how she's dealing with it all.
That's really the only significant changes..
I had a good holiday, Matt and I stayed with my parents and went to both of my extended family Christmases and went to his family Christmas in Manhattan, IL. It was a lot of drivinb but it was good to meet his family.
I miss my brother a lot. I got to hang out with him this weekend. he turns 19 this month. Not sure what I am going to get him for that.. he wants to come to Iowa City and go to the bars, not to drink, but just because he's old enough to get in. He said he just wants cash, but that's boring.. but I guess his truck is crapping out, so maybe I will make an exception this year.
Well, that about concludes anything I had to say.
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